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  • Writer's pictureDr. James Olsen

How to Regain Trust After Infidelity

Earning back trust after intimate betrayal is critical to healing your relationship. Although it takes time and can be challenging, there are several things you can start doing now to demonstrate your commitment to change.

Be Honest. When you have learned to lie to feel accepted, it can be scary to be completely forthcoming. The fear of rejection is strong, but your ability to be honest needs to be stronger. If you've hidden a secret sexual life, your partner will wonder what else you may be hiding. To regain trust, you should be open and non-defensive when communicating with your partner. Share your fears and listen openly about their pain.

Be Transparent. After learning about your sexual secrets, your partner may no longer trust anything about the relationship. Finding ways to reassure your partner that you are where you say you are and doing what you say you're doing can build trust. You may even consider sacrificing some privacy to help your partner feel safe. This should not be a punishment, but a show of commitment to the relationship and your partner's feelings of security.

Be Consistent. Earning back trust is a process. It takes time because you need to demonstrate again and again that you want to make this relationship work and are willing to do what it takes. The more consistent you are in supporting your partner's pain, responding non-defensively, and seeking help for your own struggles, the faster you will likely earn back trust.

Be Empathic. Your partner is likely experiencing the most pain that they've ever felt from someone they love. Such pain is crippling and will take time for your partner to heal. Be there for your partner and help them through this. If you are not sure how you can support them in a moment of pain, ask them! The goal is to understand and validate their pain every chance you get.

If you would like to learn more about earning back trust and helping your partner heal, contact us and see if therapy would be a good fit for you.

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